April – May 2023
Many members of our community experience the difficulty of finding a partner who accepts that there will be other loves in their lives even after living together or legal marriage. Some give up the search and settle for monogamy though such relationships have failed for them in the past. Others just stay single with perhaps regular or occasional visits from long distance or otherwise committed lovers. While there are more men than women in the poly lifestyle, this definitely includes women as well as men.
There are many ways to find a poly partner or partners which you may not have considered or ways of doing better the on-line variety of dating you may be trying. See my book Choosing, Finding and Attracting Your Life Mate(call for Poly supplement) and Attract Your Special Someones guided meditation at acesuccess.com in my web storefor such info or call me at 800 LIFE MATES (543-3628). This particular article is not about that. It is about how to be sexually satisfied in ways which do not stop you from finding or maintaining a sexual love relationship with a long term partner or partners when you do find them.
Here are some ways to do it wrong from working with clients who have come to me for hypnotherapy over the years as well as shared their issues at Workshops I have led or attended and at LTD Meetings:
Frequent viewing of pornography while masturbating very fast or hard is a very common one.
Gentlemen, not only does looking at porn actresses give you unrealistic expectations of what you may find attractive in a woman as well as unrealistic ideas about what a man can do in bed which may damage your self esteem (and perhaps your erection), but it can actually make it difficult or impossible to have an orgasm with a real live partner through intercourse no matter how strong her vaginal muscles may be or how determined her efforts with mouth or hands. And is this even something she enjoys when getting it instead of intercourse? You have trained yourself to require stimulation which only your own good right hand can do fast, hard and perhaps long enough. If porn images are also required, you must find a partner who is not only poly and willing to willing to work hard to bring you to orgasm, but is willing to share your attention with such images even when you are giving her your “full” attention.
This can make finding a real life partner, especially one willing to see you after the first such love making experience, much more difficult. You may be also be doing whatever your sex replacement or sublimation is often enough to keep your sexual desires so satisfied that you are not putting in the necessary real world effort to find a living, loving partner or partners. Alternatively, you can more gently stimulate yourself (somewhat less frequently than enough for full satisfaction of all your desires) while fantasizing about the kind of real life partner or partners you actually want to be with. Training yourself to come to orgasm in this way makes it far more likely that when you find a partner or partners in the real world, the relationship will grow into something more long term than a one night stand .
Men tend to do the porn with hard, fast masturbation behavior more than women. Ladies, the use of vibrators and other toys can be carried into real life love making, but to the degree that the level of stimulation makes intercourse or oral sex just not enough, it has some of the same draw backs that the pornography with fast, hard hand action has for men. If it takes you hours to come in those more personally interactive ways, most partners will give up on it long before you have a climax. Those who are happy with just receiving attention from you and getting their orgasm may have other problems as long term partners. Making yourself sensitive and responsive to a very light touch with your own finger tips while fantasizing about the kind of partner or partners you really want in your bed to bring on orgasm leads to much more joyous love making when the real thing comes along. A dear male friend taught me this when I was really enjoying vibrators while looking for a long term primary partner. I only use vibrators now to massage my husband’s feet…
If you are metaphysically inclined, consider that the sort of fantasizing you do can be used with the sexual energy you are building to draw the kind of relationship that you are looking for into your life.