June – July 2022
Over Memorial Day weekend 2022, I performed my first LEGAL marriage ceremony including ritual very much like the one below, having put together handfasting’s of various kinds over the years. I am now a Minister of Church of All Worlds, having been initiated as a Scion in 1998. The ceremony was performed at Olive Dell Ranch, a nudist resort in San Bernadino. Dress was unusual, Leather, Lace and beautiful jewelry accentuating the pink parts. Very sexy men and women mostly over 50 (many over 60) and you bet they were still Juicy! The center piece was the water sharing ceremony very much like the one below. During the rehearsal, the wedding party actually did share water and meant it, most having read Stranger in a Strange Land at least once and some several times. There were tears of joy cried as they grew closer and acknowledged or became Family in this very special way. Since the Bride and Groom were my Water Brothers, I participated in this sharing. It was beautiful and REAL as was the one included during the actual ceremony the following day.
Expanded family can be created in a number of ways. Sharing water is one them. There are many definitions of what it means to be a Water Brother. Here are some from Stranger in a Strange Land where the concept originated. Here water was used because the main character was raised on Mars where water as rare and life depended upon it. To share this life-giving substance was literally to share Life.
Water sharing is like being baptized . . . and like getting married.
It means you trust us and we trust you. We can tell you anything and you can tell us anything…and know that confidences will be kept.
It means that we are partners, now and forever. Once done, it can never be broken.
In this Stranger in a Strange Land, the Character Mahmoud, Michael’s first Water Brother, noted that Michael presented to him this group of Jubal, Anne, Jill, Mariam, and Dorcas as HIS NEW Water Brothers. Mahmoud had JUST met all of them and was not really comfortable with any of them. Because they were Michael’s water brothers, Mahmoud had an obligation to them more binding than that owed to the sons of one’s father’s brother. Mahmoud had to accept them as his family. Mi Familia Su Familia, My Family is your family, including all the problems and delights that may come with them. This is Called Sharing in fullness.
Wedding Ceremony over Memorial Day week end 2022
Terry: May you never thirst, never hunger is one acknowledgment commonly used among members of the real Church of All Worlds which is based on the one in Heinlein’s novel. In Stranger, this is a binding promise to see to it personally that one’s Brothers (read sisters as well) shall never hunger, be thirsty, nor lack for shelter. Among most who offer these words in ritual, they are far less binding. In most rituals, the sharing of water is simply the recognition that we are all brothers and sisters in the earth, Gaia. Being a bit more traditional, I personally will not use water for such a ritual unless I do mean the words literally. I replace it with juice. I may even verbally state that the sharing we are doing is not a sharing in fullness. In my own inner Nest, the sharing of Water has meanings varying from person to person by their choice. There are those who have chosen to accept my water brothers as their own and those who have chosen to share only with me and to share separately, or not, with each of my other water brothers. Others have decided to change to this meaning after the original sharing. Some have even chosen to break the bond of water brotherhood–which they can do, on their side, without anyone discorporating as a result. In essence, we are none of us Martians nor characters in a science fiction story. Each of us does the best we can to be true to ourselves and those we care for. Those present who are members of our Nest, in whatever way they choose to define that, will be asked to come forward and share with us today. We hope you will feel comfortable accepting that invitation.
Bride and Groom share with Terry, each other and with each of the other members of their wedding
party.
Both say their vows to each other and are pronounced husband and wife.
Written by Terry Brussel in 2010
Forty+ years ago, I was part of a Stranger in a Strange Land type Nest formed by about ten science fiction fans who went to high school together. Many of the original group scattered to the four winds, but my first water brother is still my best friend and we’ve drawn many others to us over the years – twenty-five at last count. Some of these are our lovers as well. Stranger in a Strange Land has been my interpersonal relationships Bible all this time and has served me well. I have used it (with some help from such other Heinlein books as Moon is a Harsh Mistress and Time Enough for Love) as a touch stone for educating`
people about alternative lifestyles such as multiply committed relationships, group marriage, and families -by-choice. Family Synergy, which my first husband and I joined in 1977, was my first forum for such discussions as an adult. This organization was founded in the early 70s by Hyim Levy and Pat LaFollette. It was based largely on the writings of Robert Rimmer (Harrad Experiment, Proposition Thirty-One), though some of its members were more science fiction oriented. Family Synergy was truly my family by choice during those years–we shared Passover Seders (Hy lead the first really traditional one I had ever been to at the Allot House in 1977), Latke Parties, birthday celebrations and trips to Elysium.
I entered Science Fiction fandom by attending my first World Con in Anaheim in 1984. There I found Kathy Mar singing filk (SF folk songs) about group living/ group marriage in the lobby. Kathy and I became water kin soon after that convention and have shared holidays, marriages, our kids growing up and other family things in the years between.
In 1987, Brian Gitt, Darrell Smith (two of my water brothers then in a triad with me) and myself formed Live the Dream– many of whose members were in science fiction fandom and whose philosophy was based on writings by Heinlein and others of the SF genre. Robert Rimmer was an honorary member and an inspiration to me personally– always willing to talk with me about how to live this life style more joyously until he passed on in August of 2001.
CONNECTING WITH CHURCH OF ALL WORLDS –MORNING GLORY AND OBERON ZELL
In 1988, I heard about Church of All Worlds and discovered to my delight and amazement that Heinlein’s fantasy concept existed in the real world and that its organizers and I had been walking similar paths separately for 20+ years.
Naturally, I became a member of Church of All Worlds (CAW). It’s founder Oberon Zell along with Morning Glory Zell (she actually coined the term Polyamory). He and Morning Glory spent many years in a line marriage (multi-generational group marriage based on Heinlein’s Moon is a Harsh Mistress) containing up to eight people at one time. When I read “All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals!” in CAW’s Green Egg magazine, I felt a joining of spirituality with my choice of lifestyle which has been a blessing in my life. Rituals from All Hallows Eve to Beltane are done at many of our Live the Dream meetings or sometimes as separate evening events
It is possible to deeply love and be committed to more than one significant other. Some of those who call ourselves Polyamorous express this by having a primary partner that we may be legally married to and lovers with whom we may share anything from a romantic evening each month to family activities and nights over several times a week. Others are actually in group marriages, some of which have been together for decades. Group marriages, intimate networks, coops and communes, are among the many somewhat unorthodox ways we live together. I have been involved in multiply committed relationships since my teens. I have been in two legal marriages (lasting 14 and 15 years), hand fasting’s, triads (one of which lasted 5 years) and a quadrad lasting over a year. The ceremonies for all of these included ‘water sharing’ as an integral part as well as readings from such poly-oriented Heinlein books as Stranger in a Strange Land and Moon is a Harsh Mistress. These relationships and their closings allowed me to learn from the challenges, to evolve and to move forward.
Terry Brussel at 64 December of 2016
I have two grown children (one of whom is Poly) and five grandchildren ranging in age from seven to twenty-five who bring me great delight. Both my grown children and their families live nearby in the San Fernando Valley and we visit frequently.
I live in a large, comfortable group house with three other members of our community—two of whom are my water brothers—one of those being the lover who shares the master bedroom with me. I am blessed with another partner (now primary though staying over mostly on weekends) who brings me great joy (see the Poly Prince in our April 2017 Newsletter) and the continued closeness of my somewhat ex-husband whose primary partner is gracious enough to share him with me. Not bad for a lady turning 64!
Our household shares family activities, holidays together, regular meals… and hugs.
Life is an adventure. Who knows what joys lie ahead?
Addendum by Terry Brussel-Rogers Turning 69
Some of my adventures in the last five years have included marrying my Poly Prince Craig Milo Brussel Rogers.
A Poly Prince 3-13-17
In 1977, I joined Family Synergy an education and support group for those interested in “multiply committed relationships, group marriage and group living” (the word polyamory did not exist at that time). I went out with a man named Bill for dinner, had a delightful evening with him, ending in a stop off at his apartment where I spoke with his roommate-a wild eyed Scientologist who was sure I was aligned with the Forces of Darkness because I was against Scientology. If you were to ask me at the time, I would have told you the one person in Family Synergy who I would never date was Paul Gibbons. Never say Never.
Over the years that followed, we gradually got to know each other better, became friends, then lovers while both of us were in other primary committed relationships. We finally moved in together in October of 1991, were handfasted 3-13-93 and married 3-13-94. The marriage lasted fifteen years, five of which (2001 to 2006) were a triad with my Marcus. We were legally separated in 2008. We have been through many relationship transitions since then including a period of being somewhat wary “just friends” (though always waterkin) for a couple of years. While we are still legally married, we have become lovers who are truly comfortable with each other and have been blessed with partners who support and respect our relationship. Paul’s primary partner is Athena, a dear lady who shared water with me when they first visited together Thanksgiving weekend of 2010. Paul spends most of his time in Phoenix with her though he still maintains his residence as our home in California for various reasons of health care, etc.
As March 13 came around this year (2017), I really wanted to celebrate being in a good place with each other on the 23 rd anniversary of our marriage. Paul kept saying he would get here sometime in March but could not name a date yet—and was still saying it a few days before the anniversary. Sigh… Finally, when I call him on a business matter (he is still the audio engineer for my hypnotherapy business) he tells me he is on the road to see me now. Surprise!
Lovely. Except that I now have made weekend plans with Craig—the poly prince of this piece, who is my boyfriend. We met originally in 1987 at Los Con, the science fiction convention my family always spends Thanksgiving week end at. Over the years, we run into each other occasionally at the conventions. We notice each other—I find him interesting, though he is unavailable for one reason or another. This time (2016) I see him again behind the Space Society table and we really connect…dance together at Regency Dancing and sit together at the Filk. He shows up for my December Live the Dream meeting and we start seeing each other most weekends. Craig takes me to meet his family New Year’s Eve and introduces me as his Girl Friend which really makes me feel honored and important to him. Some men are embarrassed to be dating a lady with a primary partner—Craig makes no secret of it. Though he is quite new to the Poly life style, he is one of those people (like Paul and Marcus) born without the jealousy gene. I am blessed with some good men in my life.
Back to our weekend dilemma. Should I cancel with Craig, apologizing profusely for doing it so late? I would certainly not like it if he did that to me. Should I ask him if it is ok to change plans rather than just tell him I am changing them? Not honest—I know I am not going to tell Paul to turn around and go back to Phoenix! Also, I did want Craig to meet Paul who will always be an important person in my life. What I finally did in this less-than-optimal situation is tell Craig what the situation was and see what he was comfortable doing. We agree to keep our date to share Shabbat dinner and go to temple for Purim Friday night. He will go home afterward, returning Saturday around noon to meet Paul and Athena. Friday night Craig shows up with gifts—a box of candy I can actually eat (no chocolate for me) and a new SF book I really want to read. We go to Purim services at a nearby temple, take a walk together afterwards and he drops me at home. No jealousy or anger here—thank goodness!
Paul and Athena will not be here until late evening due to traffic issues. Marcus and I wait for them. We all
hug each other and enjoy the hot tub together. That night, I “float” — sleeping in my bed with Paul and Athena getting up to cuddle with Marcus a couple of times in the night. A bigger bed would make this unnecessary—highly recommended for Poly families.
Next day, Saturday, we all have lunch together—everyone connects well having many interests in common
(thanks to my partnering patterns). Paul has an event to attend—kind of a tribute to his best friend who passed on a couple of years ago. Athena has to study for exams. Craig takes me for the hike we originally planned for today. It is a beautiful one in a local regional park and I hike further than I have in a long time—Craig pushes me physically in a way which is great for my health! Craig and I come back and take Athena to dinner to meet Paul—way south in Long Beach for a musical performance by a friend of Craig’s (Craig’s a good musician of many instruments). It’s excellent blue grass music, but is in a bar and not the kind of quiet, romantic evening I would have preferred. My turn to compromise since this is important to Craig and is Paul’s kind of music also. Craig takes Athena home so they have a chance to discuss their mutual interest in aerospace and flying. I get a chance for some alone time with Paul on the ride home.
This time Craig stays over to go to a music rehearsal in the valley (he lives in Culver City). More floating. Oh, for a B-I-G bed. [Note 4-4-21: We got that big, adjustable double queen bed shortly after this. And can now sleep and cuddle comfortably as foursome.]
On Sunday, Craig, Paul and I go for a walk around Lake Balboa next to the Japanese Gardens where Paul and I were married. Craig hugs both of us good by so he can get to the rehearsal. Paul and I take pictures together in front of the Japanese Gardens. It is a loving, caring, Poly anniversary…
Addendum 4-4-21
Paul and Athena married May 16, 2020 after nearly a decade of living together. Paul popped the question at our New Year’s Eve dinner at Tam O’Shanter with Craig, myself and many of our water brothers present. Craig and I were married April 28th 2018. As of this writing April 4, 2021, we are still a very happily married couple who become a semi residential quad when Paul and Athena visit for birthdays, holidays, special occasions like weddings and funerals+ Science Fiction Conventions. Right now, they are here in California for Paul’s second vaccination. Athena as a Veteran has gotten her first one in Phoenix. Craig and I share time with Family by blood and by Water (see Stranger in a Strange Land). His very close family relationships have taught him to put Family first for which I have been very grateful on the occasions that time with what is now OUR Family conflicted with alone time and other plans.
Craig and I flew to Cleveland, Ohio in 2020 despite COVID concerns to support Paul and to say good bye to his Mother (who I had called Mom since our marriage in 1993) before she passed. We also came out to Phoenix for their wedding and helped them put together that Zoom and in person event. When I had lung cancer surgery in March of 2021, they came out to California to support Craig and be there for me while I recovered. I am recovering amazingly well thanks to the loving, healing energy (&prayers) of those close to me. The surgeon said they got it all, no chemotherapy or radiation required. Blessed Be!
It IS possible to enjoy lovemaking during such a recovery. The gentle loving of my Poly Prince, Paul and Athena in her own way have certainly helped the Healing. I am a very lucky 69-year-old lady!
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And a very lucky 69-year-old one too! Though my husband has had cancer and is entering his last cycle of six chemo treatments, the treatments do seem to be working and his broken ankle (broken due to side effects of his medications causing a fall in March between the 1st and 2nd chemo treatments), is healing slowly and he is back on his feet in a walking boot as of this writing. Our relationship has been rough with him gone 6 days out of 21 since this started in February 2022 and recovering for much of the time we do have together. I make sure to spend quality time with him at Kaiser when he is there. I have also been fortunate to have the support and physical presence of other loves in my life while this goes on. THANK YOU to all our water kin who, along with our families by blood, have been there for us by phone and in person.
In my 69th year I have achieved the Dream of a Lifetime: Fifty Years of Polyamory in America: A Guided Tour to a Growing Movement by Glen Olson and Terry Lee Brussel-Rogers is being published by Rowman and Littlefield (same publisher as the one who published Deborah Annapol’s books!) November 11 2022. It is already being marketed by the publisher as a reference book to be used in libraries and universities as well as something to read for the joy of it. We will have a Launch Party for that and a celebration of Live the Dream’s 35th year in October or November of this year—more details in upcoming newsletters.