August – September 2022
Spell Sword and Forbidden Tower are about a 4 way group marriage. The wives are twin sisters who love each other deeply. The husbands learn to be dear friends. All of them connect telepathically “through the matrix crystal” interweaving their personalities and their lives.
Much of the way I have lived my life has been inspired by science fiction. I believe one can learn much from the philosophies and speculations presented in such literature. Robert Rimmer’s books give us any four waymarriages presented in realistic detail. His own life style was one of two deeply committed loving couples who lived separately, but spent much of their lives together—in bed and out. This was not discussed by Rimmer himself until the passing of the man who had been in many ways his co-husband allowed him to share it. This man’s work situation did not permit it while he was alive.
I do not personally know any long term four person groups which have stayed together. I know of one which broke up as a quad within months of joining together and became a triad that lasted more than a quarter of a century. The ladies involved stayed together even after their husband passed. Phoenix, they called themselves. Triads appear to be far more stable than quadrads, though I’ve known triads and (of course) couples who have not made it “until death do us part”.
Another more long term quad I knew melted back into two couples who remained friends lifelong. One of the couples had declared in their wedding ceremony to be in an open relationship which did not include the option of divorce. They promised “til death do us part” and meant it. They stayed together as a couple until the death of the husband many years later.
There is a relationship model somewhere between monogamy and group marriage– core marriage. The couples in such a marriage or relationship have a primary commitment to each other. This is an attempt to have some of the security of monogamy with the freedom of an open marriage. The participants do have others in their lives and their bed, but their other love partners are definitely secondary. If one of them is unacceptable to the primary partner or cannot get along with the primary partner, it is the secondary relationship which is broken off. There would be no possibility of continuing a romantic relationship with a secondary partner who refused to do the interpersonal work necessary to get along with one’s primary partner either through group counseling or verbal and nonverbal communication exercises with all involved. Often, a couple in a core marriage chooses to relate to their other love partners mainly as a couple rather than separately.In swinging, the saying is “The couple who plays together, stays together.” There may be some truth to this even in polyamory, though a bit more flexibility is usually in the mix. This may include occasional to more regular options of making love to a secondary partner separately in another room in the house or even in the secondary partner’s house with or without spending the night there.
Of course, if a couple is bisexual, being all together in the bed becomes more delightful for all involved…
Since Marion herself was bi, this possibility is well represented in many of her Darkover novels.
She even gives us a race of humanoids native to Darkover itself rather than originally from Terra, which is capable of changing from male to female at various times in their lives depending on the relationship they are in.