1997
Opening circle. Lots of new faces here almost (?) outnumbering the old friends, presenters and poly icons seen each year. The Internet with its poly activity actually is drawing some real people who don’t think our lifestyle is a new fantasy game. A lovely woman with an even lovelier voice sings songs which stir the blood and are poly oriented. She sings one about being her whole untamed self rather than “shrinking to meet your expectations” and wanting her love to be his whole self too…Rough Ride and so it can be. Her other song at opening is written for the poly family she is part of–Ravenheart. I discover this delightful creature is wife and water sib to Morning Glory and Oberon and therefore part of my own nest. I resolve to grow closer as way opens. Women’s circle Saturday morn and someone’s in pain because her lover let her sleep alone while exploring someone new. They needed clearer agreements and she needs to work on jealousy. How many times have I heard this story in 25 years of living this lifestyle? Too many, but each the pain is real and cutting. I find her later to give her the hypnotic tape I created for that–Intimacy Without Jealousy. Couples attending a poly conference or even a party need (preferably written) agreements to keep someone from getting hurt. Leaving a lover alone who feels abandoned can be as bad if you are poly as if you are not. Consideration and compassion must be combined in an arcane mix with freedom. There is a Family panel which my husband and I share with Ravenheart and other successful multi- adult families. I feel a little inadequate being only a couple. We all field questions, with Ryam moderating, on what works and what does not, who sleeps with whom and when, etc. Some questions are deep and insightful, inviting answers which require thought and careful wording. Most are asked with an honest curiosity or real need; unlike the conflict seeking of some talk show hosts. The people in this room have either been this road or are ready to travel it and want reliable sign posts along the way. While still a lifestyle of pioneers, we have reached a point where it is not necessary to reinvent the wheel at every turn. Enough people have been doing it long enough to have developed some workable rules which are being shared in this panel and others being presented during the weekend.
Articles in Loving More magazine (call phone number below or go to web site to subscribe-still available 2005) as well as Green Egg (Pagan magazine no longer available 2005) and in Ryam Neering’s Polyfidelity Primer and Deborah Anapol’s Love Without Limits provide many well worked out reliable guide posts to joy in poly relationships.
Contact info: www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com or call 808-244-4103